I'm nervous. Really nervous. I'm talking to you and I know that it could be the last time, but I hope this could become a new beginning. I don't know how to start, I'm overwhelmed by feelings, by memories, by thousands of moments in which you and I were together. But, what do I really feel? An enormous affection, an "I-don't-know-what" that I can't explain and that bond me to you, inseparably. This, though, doesn't mean I accept you without conditions. I've gone further: my affection for you is unlimited, it is strong, really meant to be so. But, at the same time, is constructive. I've grown with you, I've grown because of you, and I think you can say the same. But I'm scared to tell you that I feel something more for you, so huge that I can't even understand. What can I do? I may be ruining our relationship. However, I'm here now, and I can't escape.
I start talking. My words come out fast, one after another. My babbling is gone, my nervousness is gone. I'm free, as I've always been with you.
Suddenly you stop me. You tell me that I'm not talking about love. I'm talking, you say, about an intermediate feeling, between friendship and love. Then, you tell me you feel the same. We're the same, we're in symbiosis.
My doubts disappear. You're right, it's always been so. It's kind of impossible, and useless at the same time, to describe it. Is it so important to find a term to describe it? If we find a word for it, don't we set a limit for it?
Let's call it "Die Wahlverwandtschaften", Elective Activities. Our affinity. What is it? I don't know. An enormous affection. A huge desire to share, to keep living our experiences together. Without love.
We decide to start from this: we're going to be together, foverer, without never being so. Like two parallel lines that always run together, without never cross.
giovedì 31 maggio 2012
domenica 27 maggio 2012
Day 0 out of NOTHING. Title : "Look for the signal"
Imagine this situation: you are in a bar, sorrounded by friends, and you suddenly see, from distance, a hot chick. Typical situation, isn't it? You lose interest in what your friends are saying, and the world becomes small and small, being populated by one only person: her.
The mind flashes around thinking about the right pick-up line. What about : "hi"? Obnoxious. That's a cool word, I know. Not sure about the meaning, but the word obnoxious really express the difficulty of the moment you're in. You keep thinking, but you stop DOING. And you don't realize that.
Now, only two things can happen: another (surely hotter than you, not that this is difficult) guy does instead of thinking and talk to the very same girl. Or, worse, you spend the night wondering about her, while nobody talks to her, and she finally goes away. Seems familiar, isn't it? To me, at least. What do you lose? Are you afraid of happiness? I think so.
Focus, focus on me! Keep your eyes on this text!
Are you afraid of the refusal? You know what she is losing, but she doesn't know what she is losing. You may be ugly, but you may also be hiding some (very) hidden features that she'd love. She'd never know. Doesn't this make you feel special? If you don't think you have anything special, you are just obnoxious, exactly like saying the word "obnoxious". What's the purpose of not trying? Going back home and thinking, oh yeah, next time I'll do it?
Come on, next time she or whoever else will be attracted by some other male belly dancer while you, poor kind-of-a-special thinker, will face the same situation.
Don't wait for a signal that will never come. You have to create the signal, to have the chance not to be obnoxious, and to be awesome, as the word "awesome" is.
The mind flashes around thinking about the right pick-up line. What about : "hi"? Obnoxious. That's a cool word, I know. Not sure about the meaning, but the word obnoxious really express the difficulty of the moment you're in. You keep thinking, but you stop DOING. And you don't realize that.
Now, only two things can happen: another (surely hotter than you, not that this is difficult) guy does instead of thinking and talk to the very same girl. Or, worse, you spend the night wondering about her, while nobody talks to her, and she finally goes away. Seems familiar, isn't it? To me, at least. What do you lose? Are you afraid of happiness? I think so.
Focus, focus on me! Keep your eyes on this text!
Are you afraid of the refusal? You know what she is losing, but she doesn't know what she is losing. You may be ugly, but you may also be hiding some (very) hidden features that she'd love. She'd never know. Doesn't this make you feel special? If you don't think you have anything special, you are just obnoxious, exactly like saying the word "obnoxious". What's the purpose of not trying? Going back home and thinking, oh yeah, next time I'll do it?
Come on, next time she or whoever else will be attracted by some other male belly dancer while you, poor kind-of-a-special thinker, will face the same situation.
Don't wait for a signal that will never come. You have to create the signal, to have the chance not to be obnoxious, and to be awesome, as the word "awesome" is.
martedì 22 maggio 2012
February 23rd, 2012 : don't say cat...
February 23rd, 2012: me, some others, the teacher. The waiting. One after another, she rapidly scans through the students, allowing herself two or three minutes to check whether the student is worth passing the exam or not. And, all of a sudden, here you are. She calls your name, and welcomes you with her strict smile whose meaning can be seen both as "oh you're my next prey, be ready to be torn into pieces" or "oh poor guy, I'm so sorry for you".
You start sweating cold, and your heartbeat is becoming louder and louder with any step you move forward, while the external noise, on the contrary, becomes more and more inaudible. Finally, you're there. With a trembling hand you sign the paper, and with a trembling voice you say "Good morning", knowing that this is gonna be a nightmare. She starts asking you some questions. You have a blackout. Suddenly, something happens.
You speak. You say something coherent. Your fear disapperas. Your pride comes out. You are happy. And bla bla bla you're already imagining your 30 cum laude, your holidays, the freedom, the cocktails, the girls in bikini.
One question after another, you feel safer and safer.
But then, still grinning inside for the good result you think you've reached, you hear the last question: "tell me about amortized costs".
The 30 cum laude, the holidays, the freedom, the cocktails, the girls in bikini. They are suddenly gone. The pride, the safety. Gone. The speech. Gone.
You start babbling around saying incoherent things. You don't know where to look at. The others, who were envying you until a second before, now are desperately trying to help you.
A black out. You start sweating again.
She move her head in disappointment. She grins. With a sadistic tone, she says: "you are not ready enough. Come next time".
And the end is over you.
What you learn today is: Don't count your chickens before they're hatched. Or, in the italian translation, Don't say "cat" if you don't have it in the bag.
You start sweating cold, and your heartbeat is becoming louder and louder with any step you move forward, while the external noise, on the contrary, becomes more and more inaudible. Finally, you're there. With a trembling hand you sign the paper, and with a trembling voice you say "Good morning", knowing that this is gonna be a nightmare. She starts asking you some questions. You have a blackout. Suddenly, something happens.
You speak. You say something coherent. Your fear disapperas. Your pride comes out. You are happy. And bla bla bla you're already imagining your 30 cum laude, your holidays, the freedom, the cocktails, the girls in bikini.
One question after another, you feel safer and safer.
But then, still grinning inside for the good result you think you've reached, you hear the last question: "tell me about amortized costs".
The 30 cum laude, the holidays, the freedom, the cocktails, the girls in bikini. They are suddenly gone. The pride, the safety. Gone. The speech. Gone.
You start babbling around saying incoherent things. You don't know where to look at. The others, who were envying you until a second before, now are desperately trying to help you.
A black out. You start sweating again.
She move her head in disappointment. She grins. With a sadistic tone, she says: "you are not ready enough. Come next time".
And the end is over you.
What you learn today is: Don't count your chickens before they're hatched. Or, in the italian translation, Don't say "cat" if you don't have it in the bag.
mercoledì 16 maggio 2012
The CRACK-Phone trap
WARNING N°1: It's pretty long, so take 5 minutes to read it
WARNING N°2: This post comes with additional multimedia content. Please see the multimedia content AFTER having read this post.
WARNING N°3: it may sound creepy, but it's not :)
A flash in the dark. Where am I?
My eyes, still dazed and confused by the recent sleep, are not yet able to see well. My migraine causes me dizzy spells. I'm slightly getting used to the light.
what do I see?
An I-Phone, 30cm away from me.
It suddenly starts vibrating: it's a call from my girlfriend. I can see her lovely face shown in the screen of the smartphone. I try to raise my arm to take it. But I can't.
I can't!
My arms are chained, and so are my legs. I can't stand up, I can only move my head up and down. What can I do?
The IPhone is still ringing. I can't answer! What can I do?
Suddenly, a Facebook notification arrives: I'm invited to an event, but I can't read properly.
Then, worst of the worse: a Twitter direct message, and a new follower: but who? WHO????
I'm crying at the moment: I can hear the phone ringing, vibrating and beeping, but I can't do anything to see what's the content of this surely NECESSARY and FOUNDAMENTAL notifications.
"Oh God, what have I done wrong? How can I survive? This is torture, Man, I don't deserve it! I beg you, please!"
From distance, I hear a voice coming from an old tape:
[SAW Voice] "Hello, human. You've been spending your whole life checking on your IPhone, looking for some useless notifications, tweeting the meaningless, and waiting for the calls that never come. Furthermore, you've DARED to play games, denying yourself from the pleasure of a normal chat. Now, I want to play a game with you: you have to stay awake for ten minutes, try to have a MEANINGFUL conversation with another human, without ever (EVER!) checking your mobile phone. If you can't, your IPhone will be self-destroyed by a final, definitive, Facebook notification. If you survive to it, you'll be reborn and still appreciate the social life. Live or die, make your choice"
And there was I. Alone. With no mobile phone. No, it was worse: I HAD the mobile phone, but I couldn't reach it.
A girl arrives and she starts talking. The countdown has started.
What am I gonna do?
What can I talk about?
"Hey baby, do you know that Apple is trying to deny Samsung to sell Smartphones in USA?"
"Do you know that Apple SIRI has a stunning 43.2 % of reliability?"
ARGH. This is not meaningful conversation.
ARGH. ARGH!
And then, it happened.
A last Facebook notification on my phone. The IPhone started beeping.
10. 9. 8. 7. 6. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
BOOM!
And it all ended. I fainted, and from then on I don't remember anything else.
The morale is:
Don't deny yourself the beautiness of real life social contact. Put the IPhone in the pocket, and start living.
WARNING N°2: This post comes with additional multimedia content. Please see the multimedia content AFTER having read this post.
WARNING N°3: it may sound creepy, but it's not :)
A flash in the dark. Where am I?
My eyes, still dazed and confused by the recent sleep, are not yet able to see well. My migraine causes me dizzy spells. I'm slightly getting used to the light.
what do I see?
An I-Phone, 30cm away from me.
It suddenly starts vibrating: it's a call from my girlfriend. I can see her lovely face shown in the screen of the smartphone. I try to raise my arm to take it. But I can't.
I can't!
My arms are chained, and so are my legs. I can't stand up, I can only move my head up and down. What can I do?
The IPhone is still ringing. I can't answer! What can I do?
Suddenly, a Facebook notification arrives: I'm invited to an event, but I can't read properly.
Then, worst of the worse: a Twitter direct message, and a new follower: but who? WHO????
I'm crying at the moment: I can hear the phone ringing, vibrating and beeping, but I can't do anything to see what's the content of this surely NECESSARY and FOUNDAMENTAL notifications.
"Oh God, what have I done wrong? How can I survive? This is torture, Man, I don't deserve it! I beg you, please!"
From distance, I hear a voice coming from an old tape:
[SAW Voice] "Hello, human. You've been spending your whole life checking on your IPhone, looking for some useless notifications, tweeting the meaningless, and waiting for the calls that never come. Furthermore, you've DARED to play games, denying yourself from the pleasure of a normal chat. Now, I want to play a game with you: you have to stay awake for ten minutes, try to have a MEANINGFUL conversation with another human, without ever (EVER!) checking your mobile phone. If you can't, your IPhone will be self-destroyed by a final, definitive, Facebook notification. If you survive to it, you'll be reborn and still appreciate the social life. Live or die, make your choice"
And there was I. Alone. With no mobile phone. No, it was worse: I HAD the mobile phone, but I couldn't reach it.
A girl arrives and she starts talking. The countdown has started.
What am I gonna do?
What can I talk about?
"Hey baby, do you know that Apple is trying to deny Samsung to sell Smartphones in USA?"
"Do you know that Apple SIRI has a stunning 43.2 % of reliability?"
ARGH. This is not meaningful conversation.
ARGH. ARGH!
And then, it happened.
A last Facebook notification on my phone. The IPhone started beeping.
10. 9. 8. 7. 6. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
BOOM!
And it all ended. I fainted, and from then on I don't remember anything else.
The morale is:
Don't deny yourself the beautiness of real life social contact. Put the IPhone in the pocket, and start living.
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